The way towards a human society
Fifteen 3rd graders running around a basketball court trying to learn how to play basketball during the gym class. I watch them as I walk by. One of them (a boy) is holding the ball and reaches for the basket swiping through the other kids and ignoring any hands and offers for support around him. He tries to score. Fails. He tries again. Fails again. However, he manages to catch the ball again both times so he keeps the ball and continuously tries to score. Some of his team players in his vicinity are in a much more favorable position to score a point and they raise their hands and call out to him asking for the ball. But he doesn’t see them. He ignores them and tries to score again. And he fails… again.
I stand there and watch for a few minutes. The situation continues. One - two kids playing basketball on their own and for themselves, holding the ball constantly, not sharing even an eye contact with the rest of the players and simply ignoring all others. The rest of the kids move around the court actively in the beginning but as the moments go by, you can feel their giving up. You can feel their desperation and loss of engagement. But they are not allowed by the teacher to leave. They are supposed to learn how to play basketball. Yet, they don’t. So, they simply walk around dragging their legs and watch the two kids enjoy their time. And the teacher? He is there, just next to them, He remains silent, simply observing. He comments nothing. He observes this dynamic passively. Hopefully he will give some recommendation for ‘team play’ later- but who knows?-. But in that moment the subtle message has already crossed the kids’ minds. Individualism and competitiveness are attributes of ‘the stronger’. The ones that passionately and politely wait for their turn are left out because they operate on the premise that it’s a team effort and they need to wait for their turn to get the ball. They may even seen as weak and less ‘good players’ for this game because they don’t claim or enforce their way into the action of the game. Unfortunately what they learn, - all of the kids- is not how to play together, not how to collaborate and work with clear and healthy limits and boundaries. They don’t learn how to respect themselves, their team mates and work as a team towards a common goal.
So, what lesson did this class teach them in the end? What was its purpose? What values cultivated immediately at subconscious and conscious level?
In our world today, politeness and respect for others is considered a weakness, especially when expressed by males. The detrimental results of this belief system are experienced by everyone for centuries and it’s toxic masculinity : violence, disrespect for others, alienation, individualism, invulnerability, emotional suppression, discrimination and intolerance, humiliation of sensitivity…ultimately inhumanity.
Is this the world we want our kids to continue be raised in? If not, we need to recalibrate our values and belief systems to what is wanted and more in sync with our human nature. Sensitivity, politeness, respect (for ourselves and others) are qualities and virtues of the human kind that we need to start consciously cultivate, endorse and strengthen.
We cannot tolerate this toxic culture and belief system that labels sensitivity as weakness. No, sensitivity, - the ability to feel deeply- is a huge strength! And so much needed in this world! Especially when expressed and embodied by males!
Embracing sensitivity and cultivating politeness and respect is the way towards a new era, a more balanced and human society for all.
