Seek to understand…
It’s not easy to understand. The mind by nature poses limitations and blockages and does not allows me to ‘see’ clearly. It sees only what it wants to see, hears only what it wants to hear. Interprets the facts in its own particular ways. It tricks me and plays with me constantly and repeatedly. At times, I think I have control over my mind, that I’ve managed to untangle the knot and now I get it. I understand the other person, I understand myself, I understand the world, nature, god, the universe. Now I understand it all!
Yet, I don’t.
Because if I did, I wouldn’t be finding myself confused, critical and overwhelmed a few moments later over the same thing. Again and again…over and over. Old same thing, old same stories, old same ways of seeing, listening, expressing, communicating, interpreting the world around me.
But now I also see the why! And that is frustrating as well as liberating!
I see that is because I still seek to understand the world through the eyes of an innocent, powerless and fearful child who felt unsafe, and without conscious awareness, created all those filters and ways of interpreting her experiences in an attempt to remain alive and connected to the people around her. To remain connected to those people that ‘cared’ for her and wanted to ‘protect’ her. To the people they knew ‘better’ than her. To the people that took away her voice (unintentionally most of the time) in order to protect her, to keep her safe and closer to them. The people who couldn’t see that they were seeking her protection instead, by keeping her silent and obedient. Because, if they didn’t, they’d have to face themselves through her eyes, and ears. They’d have to come face to face with their doubts and fears. They’d have to question their way of viewing the world and come to understand the inauthentic lives they were living in. A hole they stepped in when they were children, to secure attachment and protection, and which they kept digging deeper and deeper and hiding in there in order to feel ‘safe’ and ‘in control’ of their world. The world they think they create but for which they have no authority anymore,- although they thought they did, at some point in life. Only to realize in the end they didn’t and again they did and again they didn’t and the world keeps moving round and round, and they keep spinning faster and faster so they get so dizzy that don’t know how to stop this anymore. They cannot, they have no more control over this. It has its own momentum and it’d take enormous amounts of power and effort to stop it now. So they don’t even try. And those who do try they get tired very easily and they give up even easier.…
This is really familiar ‘reality’ to me. I live in this world and I grew up in this world. In a way I am also part of the ‘problem’.
But I am not of this world! I refuse to give up the fight of rediscovering the pure essence of myself and the reason I’m spinning on this planet at this very moment and in this form! I won’t give up! I’ll keep removing the masks and uncovering the lies again and again, for as long as it takes. I’ll keep getting my self back up whenever I fall and I’ll keep my focus on my dreams for a better world. My dream of a healthy, loving and thriving society! And I’ll make sure that I’ll do my part so that this ‘ideal’ world becomes a reality for all!
I am leaving now...but I’ll be back. Promise!
